016.

They say home is where the heart is.

I guess I haven't found my home. 

They say there is linings made of silver folded inside of every rainy cloud. They say you're really not somebody until somebody else loves you. Well, I am waiting to make somebody, soon. 

015.

I can still smell the flowers, I can still hear the thunderstorms. Wet pavement under my feet while my soul runs along the beach. I hear ‘boys like girls’ and the anthems of summers pasts. The sound of the warm winds and the traffic of a beautiful summer night. He told me “love unconditionally”, but other ‘conditions’ came up and I never realized that is was time to end our story. I got that feeling, it went away but as soon as I started believing that the world had come between us it came back. I knew we would never be where we were, and I couldn’t help but blame her. You said, “We all make mistakes” but you didn’t know I knew the whole story. The day I realized I was ignoring reality I didn’t exactly know what to do. I was never prepared to say goodbye, even thought the words left my mouth before it was even a thought in his mind. I wish I could remember how I fell in love with you, but I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. I wish I could have told you all the things I wanted to say. Then there comes a point when all you're yearning rips you in two and your heart to shreds and all you can do it crawl across your bedroom floor, trying to find breath to stop crying. Your heart strings wrap around your gut and tear you apart. Sometimes, if your lucky, after that you don’t feel a thing anymore. You stand up and you move on. I think deep down the day I left him, he knew something was wrong. My eyes would have said it all. The things I thought you would hate or never understand about me, were the things I guess you always understood. I can still feel my heart breaking when I said I never loved you. I hope you knew it was a lie. It’s just a memory, now that we have both healed. The wind that blows reminds me that there is such a thing as moving on and that no matter what direction you go, your soul knows it’s the right one.

014.

Lately, it feels as if nothing is going my way.

It's complicated, it is life.

Love is always complicated in my case. 

Possibly because of my over-obsessively, uncanny, unknowing way of thinking when it comes to trust and relationships. This is most likely due to the fact that I do have trust issues, even though I try to deny it. It may also be that I do not understand the concept fully of how somebody can be loved by someone else when the person being loved doesn't love themselves. He probably thinks that I am moody, and don't make any sense. Which is true but probably for different reasons than expected.

None the less, I do love this boy. 

He knows, 

And he said it first.

013.

I was picking dandelions from next doors backyard and was thinking, love is not just having someone at the other end of the phone line about 73% of the time, or lottery tickets and movie screens with a ring on the fourth finger. Love is a grasping-for-air twenty thousand feet free fall, or 120 miles per hour on the highway and four hours on a plane just to see a single smile. Love is hands on face, on lips, on cheeks. Love is inside our veins, places we can’t dig deep enough to get with a silver spoon. Love is a discovery, its stomping on toes with a stick in its hands and a voice saying, “stop avoiding, stop the excuses and for God sakes stop being scared!” Love is someone special, someone who can make you open hot air balloons with your palms, while they write you a thank you post-it-note to stick to your forehead. Some say, love is friendship set on fire, and if your lucky enough to find someone you can give yourself to, mind, body and soul. Then you should hold on, and hope like hell you don’t get burned.

012.

I adore Mumford and Sons. 
They remind me of my dear friend Ashley Melina Ross - my other half. We spent many, many hours singing at the top of our lungs, dance like idiots, and playing chatroulette at odd times of the night. We spent days talking about out lives,  planning our futures and promising that no matter what, we would keep in touch. 
I miss you, and this one is for you. 

011.

Some say, the truth will set you free but to be honest, I’m more worried about the rest. We all go through life masking the truth, in some cases for good reason, others just because they don’t know how people are going to react. If people didn’t have such high expectations and stopped hiding behind these walls of comfort we’ve all build for ourselves maybe there would be less judgments and more realizations. We neglect to see it from someone else’s views, and just focus on ‘how is this going to affect me’, because if we don’t, god forbid, it makes us different and venerable to be let down and hurt. So if the truth is right before your eyes and you accept it, then let’s hope like hell it works out in the end, and that tomorrow turns our better than the last.

010.

We all go day by day, racing to the finish of this game we can never win. sometimes, we just need time to stop and think. There’s no hurry, not everything has to be right or perfect. So let it go, buckle up, and let life take us where it may. 

Life’s a journey, not a destination” who will you walk with?